o just another typical thurs, last thurs i was on my way to argentina, this thursday i saw a protest and parade. i just went to valpo to celebrate may 21st which is a holiday here to remember a famous naval battle that chile actually lost and "knew" they were gonna lose but went in fighting anyways to show their courage or something. anyways, it also happens that today presidenta michele bachelet was in valpo giving basically her state of the union address and we went to try and see the things going on around there. so we got to the congress after her speech, but we got right to the door just by pulling the "gringo card" acting like we didnt know what was going on and getting through barracades telling the cops we were going to say bye to a friend who was going back to america haha. there wasnt much to see there, then we walked down the street and there was a protest, i actually saw people being cleared using a water gun on the top of a military truck and there was tear gas, we just saw it smoking and went the other way, it still made us all teary eyed and sneeze, but we werent really that close. then we saw broken bottles all over the street (we just walked around all the closed off roads) and there was paint that had been splashed everywhere, then we saw some guys with their faces all covered and pulling the recycling bins into the street and breaking into it to get the glass, but we just walked away. then we tried to find the parade...chilean parades make no sense. we literally chased and followed it around. there was lots of macrching and bands and then cueca dancers but not like floats or candy or cheering...it was all kinda serious and just lots of military/navy things, but u had to go from street to street to see them. it was also the best weather ever. it was really fun and so interesting, only in chile.

and i should really write about last weekend but im lazy and a mary kate and ashley movie is on, so ima go watch that instead. ciaooooo

so i had a new, yet old revelation tonight.

i was walking home and i stopped to just stand and look at the sky (something that for some reason i have been really compelled to do since last summer alot) i dont want to sound crazy, but i feel like a different person and in a different place when i just look at the stars. i feel so small and insignificant, but somehow in a good way. i love seeing how much there is out there and that i get to be a part of it. and the part i love the most is that we all see the sky. i never have to feel far from anyone if i just look up.

but then i realized that all the people i love the most couldnt see the same sky as me.

and for a brief second ive never felt so far and so alone.

and then it hit me again, that the only reason i could feel this way is cause i had such great things to feel far from and that ive been lucky enough to have people who stopped me from feeling alone. and damn im so cheesy now, but there is nothing like being away from all you really know to make you see how great you have it. and i cant get over how grateful i am for my friends and family. and how much i love them all. my new friends h ere always ask who my best friend is, and besides chelsea which is the obvious answer, i honestly cant answer that cause i have so many friends i consider close enough to be my best. how great is that? i just cant wait to be reunited!

my heart is seriously aching for my family and friends. even tho i really do love everyone here, i need those familiar faces again. im just happy i know i have people wanting to see me too. there isnt really a better feeling than that.


so idk why im so grossly emotional, but its happening, so there it is.

"he found that he was flying. upstairs. high above the city. through the ceiling of the stars.
so cruel and pretty."

i really fell behind here. i cant even believe its may, hell middle may, where the fuck did april go? i leave 2 months from tom. :( unbelievable. ive lived here for 3 months. i have lived in chile for 3 months. in the other fucking hemisphere for 3 months. believe yet? cause i sure fucking dont. wow.

idk whats happened since i last wrote really, well waaaaaaaaaaaay back when on the 29th of april i started my volunteering program, its called programa calle and we go to valpo, make bread with manjar and then go to different stops around vina. i went with a girl named lily and gloria. to be honest i was really scared, i had no idea what it was gonna be like to talk, in spanish, with homeless people, i feel so bad now for being weary of them. i have met amazing people. they are soooo happy and appreciative. they just smile and want to talk to u, tell u about their lives, families, past, and hear about you and america and know how ur friend obama is doing ha. it feels so great to help them, but even better really to just meet such different people but see how happy and content with life and how they really appreciate everything. its just amazing.

then that thurs i went to sams house and we made cookies and it was deliciosoooooooooo. that night my bro invited me out too for the first time really and it was exciting, but i was going to la serena the next day early so i had to pass him up.

soooo then i went to la serena!!! that was a great trip with vanessa and elizabeth. it took us like 10 hours on bus and then we went to hostel maria, it was cute with a garden, we figured out what we wanted to do and just wandered around town that day, went to gabriela mistral museums. then sat we went to vicuna, a really cute small town kinda like olmue, it was so pretty, we stayed in a cute hostal that was just a house, but we had all upstairs, it was a great great place. we made dinner and then went to an observatory out in the valley to see the stars. that was one of the coolest things ive ever done, we saw so many things and the guy just answered all my questions, i was so happy i was learning so much and it was cool and it was in spanish! woooo. it was cool too cause apparently i cant see lots of those things from the northern hemisphere so that may be the only time i ever do. so that was just unbelievably cool. then sun we went to pisco elqui and on a pisco tour and had a cute lunch and then walked through the bvalley and vineyards to monte grande, it was so so gorgeous and like a painting.

ummm then that week i cant say anything too out of the ordinary happened, just classes, salsa, volunteering. thurs i went to eat greek food with kathleen (who we ran into on the road with italo and lufe...awk) and vanessa and went to sarahs bday party at her house, that was cute, then just went to a bar to chill. then fri i went to aerobox wooooo and um then that night we went to another beach party and i got way too drunk. it was so much fun tho. we just danced alot and there werent tons of awkward dancing moments hah. paul finally got the come save me look thing down so thats good. and then sat i went to a around the world food thing at the middle/high school with vanessa and kathleen, it was yummmmmy. then we went shopping and i just hung out at home. then sun i got my mom flowers for mothers day and made her a card and it was so cute cause she got so happy and started getting teary eyed and she hadnt even read the card yet, she was just like " o i have to go upstairs and show ur dad" it was so cute. o sat night i forgot we had "family" dinner for mothers day with all kninds of family.

then this week, um i actually had hw which was dumb, but also encouraging cause my mom checked over a paper and found like no mistakes, that made me really happy. tues we went to salsa, wasnt really feeling it that night, wed did work bleh, thurs i left for argentina! i cant write more now tho, so that will come.

im tired.
night from chile.

ok, so i know this isnt really what this is for, and also this is emotional whiplash, but i am really homesick. it makes no sense cause i went on a great trip this weekend, had so much fun and still felt great to come "home" here, but i cannot stop thinking about missing people.

i miss chelsea more than ever. she went to prom this weekend, and im looking at all these pics of her, she looks so gorgeous, and i am more than bummed that i missed it. i didnt even know it was going on this weekend.....what kind of sister doesnt remember that? i hate looking at the pics of her and my parents, they have so many of them on the family spring vacation trip and at events of hers and her prom and i just hate feeling left out and like i am missing everything. and now im going to miss her graduation and her 18th birthday and i just feel like a horrible sister. i didnt think i would care, but im never going to get to live those with her and its really bumming me out. i hate dwelling on things here, but everything i do here, i just want to share with her or her to understand, but we barely ever talk and i just wish could more.

also, i am soooo craving a hug from my mom, like a REAL hug. everything has been reminding me of her, smells and fruits and just everything. it was really weird to come "home" today from my trip and even tho i was excited to tell me chilean mom everything, its just weird cause my real mom still has no idea what ive been up to the last week or so. ive never really missed my family like this before, at school or anything, i think its just getting me this time cause i know its not an option to see them. i just really really want my mom.

and my friends. im sick of trying to explain my friends to my news ones here, i like the ones here, but i just want my other ones too. im just worried about how little time i have left at school and how im missing out there, even tho i know i wont think like that later. im afraid of where life is going after this. and that i wont like it.

i dont know why i am in such a funk about this. its so weird. but i guess it just shows im lucky i have places and people to miss. sorry this wasnt really a post, more just me getting shit out.

"cant seem to hold you like i want to, so i can feel you in my arms"

still sending all my love from chileee