ok, so i know this isnt really what this is for, and also this is emotional whiplash, but i am really homesick. it makes no sense cause i went on a great trip this weekend, had so much fun and still felt great to come "home" here, but i cannot stop thinking about missing people.

i miss chelsea more than ever. she went to prom this weekend, and im looking at all these pics of her, she looks so gorgeous, and i am more than bummed that i missed it. i didnt even know it was going on this weekend.....what kind of sister doesnt remember that? i hate looking at the pics of her and my parents, they have so many of them on the family spring vacation trip and at events of hers and her prom and i just hate feeling left out and like i am missing everything. and now im going to miss her graduation and her 18th birthday and i just feel like a horrible sister. i didnt think i would care, but im never going to get to live those with her and its really bumming me out. i hate dwelling on things here, but everything i do here, i just want to share with her or her to understand, but we barely ever talk and i just wish could more.

also, i am soooo craving a hug from my mom, like a REAL hug. everything has been reminding me of her, smells and fruits and just everything. it was really weird to come "home" today from my trip and even tho i was excited to tell me chilean mom everything, its just weird cause my real mom still has no idea what ive been up to the last week or so. ive never really missed my family like this before, at school or anything, i think its just getting me this time cause i know its not an option to see them. i just really really want my mom.

and my friends. im sick of trying to explain my friends to my news ones here, i like the ones here, but i just want my other ones too. im just worried about how little time i have left at school and how im missing out there, even tho i know i wont think like that later. im afraid of where life is going after this. and that i wont like it.

i dont know why i am in such a funk about this. its so weird. but i guess it just shows im lucky i have places and people to miss. sorry this wasnt really a post, more just me getting shit out.

"cant seem to hold you like i want to, so i can feel you in my arms"

still sending all my love from chileee